Gale's Window
by JavisTG
Summary: It's been 10 days since Katniss Everdeen kissed me. I was passed out cold lying on her kitchen table. The sweet medicine coursing through my veins made me feel like I was floating. The only thing that kept me tethered to reality was Katniss's hand holding mine, our fingers intertwined.
1. Chapter 1

It's been 10 days since Katniss Everdeen kissed me.

I was passed out cold lying on her kitchen table. The sweet medicine coursing through my veins made me feel like I was floating. The only thing that kept me tethered to reality was Katniss's hand holding mine, our fingers intertwined. She'd never held me like that before; it was like she was keeping me in place, like an anchor, stopping me from slipping away into the dark waters of pain and confusion. That's when it happened. She had been gently running her fingers through my face, she brought her lips to my ear and she whispered "I'm sorry", then she leaned in and she kissed me. It didn't last very long. As she softly pressed her warm lips against mine my mind raced to that one other time when our lips had touched.

XXXXX

She'd just come back from the arena and I'd desperately needed to show her how I felt about her.

I had spent the last few weeks watching her fight for her life on TV. During the first few days she did everything I would have done if I had been in her place, but the game makers couldn't just leave her alone. She'd scored an 11 during her training sessions and they wanted everyone to see what she was capable of. I could hardly breathe when I saw the Careers stationed under the tree. The baker son's watchful eye on her made me very nervous. What game was he playing? He was trying to survive, that much was obvious, but why was he using her to do it? He had proven to be strong and smart enough to join the career pack, why wasn't he playing like a career then? After, as Katniss fought the effect of the tracker jacker poison, he helped her. He paid dearly for it. The career's sword slashed his thigh. I watched, dumbstruck, as the baker's son hobbled to the stream's edge. Once again I wondered what his angle was. Was he really willing to exchange his life for Katniss's?

A few days later Katniss's young ally was killed and the brave strong girl who had destroyed the career's supplies became despondent and, quite frankly, a bit reckless. I desperately wanted to reach out to her, to let her know, somehow, that she wasn't alone, that I thought she could still make it back. I've never felt so helpless in my life. That's when everything changed. First she received a gift from district 11. Then she was told she could have a new ally in the arena, someone she wouldn't have to kill in order to survive.

I could hardly contain my rage when I saw Katniss and the baker's son kiss for the first time. Having her stuck in a cave taking care of a dying boy who was only holding her back had been one thing, but watching her share her first kiss with someone who wasn't me was almost enough to throw me over the edge of madness. Once again the Capitol was controlling our lives. It wasn't enough to starve us and overwork us to an inch of our lives, to send the district's children into an arena to fight for their survival, now they were intruding in a moment that should have naturally remained private. Why was the girl I loved being forced to kiss a complete stranger? That night the Capitol took something precious from me. That night I lost the opportunity to be the first person to kiss the girl I loved.

Even though it hurt to watch I understood why she behaved the way she did inside the arena, after all, she was just trying to make it out of there in one piece. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that the way she acted once the game was over really surprised me.

My blood boiled over when she ran into the baker son's arms and acted like she would happily stay wrapped in his embrace forever. The bitter taste of bile made its way into my mouth every time Caesar Flickerman tried to interrupt their inappropriate make out session. The game was over, so why was the baker's son still groping my girl? Who did he think he was anyway? Why did he act like he owned her? Why was she allowing this? She couldn't possibly be enjoying this, could she? It had all been an act, just a plan to gain sponsors and stay alive. There was no way this was real. Why was she humoring these silly Capitol people who seemed so interested in this inane romance? They were even dumber than I thought if they were falling for this act. I kept telling myself that it didn't really matter; she'd be back home soon enough. The important thing was that she'd made it out of there alive, and now that she was a victor she'd be able to do anything she wanted. Isn't that what being a victor was all about after all? Once you survive the games you are free to live your life in any way you want, right? I couldn't wait to have her to myself. I counted every minute that I had to wait until I could get her alone in the woods. Our woods. Once we could talk everything would be explained.

Getting to spend some time alone with her turned out to be more difficult than I'd anticipated. My work down in the mines and all of the celebrations she was expected to attend kept interfering with our private reunion. A couple of weeks went by before we could meet at our usual spot. She got there before I did. Once she saw me she started crying, clearly relieved to see that I still wanted to be with her; that I wasn't mad at her for what she'd done inside the arena. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things I wanted to ask, but, by the time she calmed down, I could tell that she wasn't interested in talking about any of it. She just wanted to act as though nothing had happened; she wanted to forget. I was happy to oblige, I wanted nothing more than that. I just wanted to go back to the way things were before that horrible day when her sister's name had been called in the town square. So I filled her in on all the news from town. I didn't mention the mines or the games. I didn't ask what her plans for the future were and I certainly didn't mention the baker's son. By the time we were done hunting I started to feel like we had succeeded in keeping the rest of the world at bay. There we were, back in our woods, just a boy and the girl he loved. A boy and a girl who were free of the games. I had already survived my last reaping and she'd never have to participate in a reaping ceremony again, the time was right, I was finally free to make my intentions known.

Under normal circumstances I would have gone to her house and I would have given her flowers, then I would have taken her to the meadow. I would have delivered a short speech. I would have told her how much I cared about her, how much she meant to me. I would have assured her that even though she'd told me she wasn't interested in marriage or children I knew that together our lives would be better. And besides, who were we kidding? If she cared about me as much as I cared about her she would probably change her mind about that anyways. But these weren't normal circumstances, so I decided to take a different approach. I decided to skip the flowers, the meadow and the speech and I just went for it. I just leaned in and kissed her.

I caught her by surprise and her lips, her whole body really, tensed when my lips found hers. She didn't reject me, but I could tell that I had made her uncomfortable. I berated myself afterwards, what had I been thinking? It was the first time we saw each other since her return to District 12, she'd been expecting the comfort and familiarity of her best friend. She didn't need to have my romantic advances shoved down her throat; she already had the baker's son for that! Why hadn't I seen that?

The thing is, I hadn't been trying to pressure her, I'd just wanted her to know that I was there for her and that I knew that her romance with the baker's son wasn't real, that she didn't owe me any explanations, that the bond we shared went beyond that, that nothing had to change between us, that I was ready to pick up where we'd left off. Where we'd left off. Where had we left off? I'd never really told her how I felt about her, not when I admired her determination and strength while she managed, almost single handedly, to keep her family afloat; and definitely not once I realized how much she'd grown up, how she'd been transformed from a scrawny little girl into a young woman who could make your heart melt when she smiled, something that was made even more precious by the fact that it didn't happen very often.

I always assumed she knew how I felt about her. How couldn't she? I thought that some of my actions and comments had made it pretty obvious. I saw the way people from the Hob looked at us, like they just assumed we were together, like they knew we belonged to one another. But, then again, she was never one to overanalyze things. She's always been better with actions than with words. She was always consumed with worry over Prim's wellbeing and, up until recently, I'd never seen her pay any attention to any of the boys or men who approached her. Since I never really said anything to her, why wouldn't she be surprised by my sudden advances?

So I tried to give her space, it wasn't that hard, my job at the mines kept me busy during the week anyways. And on those precious Sundays when we would meet at our usual place I tried to act as though nothing had happened. We kept each other company, we talked about people in town, we hunted and we divided our game. We never mentioned the kiss, she never talked about her new life in Victor's Village and I never mentioned the mines. Our new routine wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. And then the Victory Tour came along and everything changed, again.

She was only gone for a couple of weeks but, by the time she came back, she was already engaged to the baker's son. Engaged! A hot rage consumed me as I saw him drop on one knee and ask Katniss to marry him. But, watching her was much harder. I thought my head was going to explode when she pulled him into her arms and promised to keep him close and keep him safe for the rest of her life. It's not real, I kept telling myself; it's just an act. But something in the way she wouldn't let go of his hand made me feel queasy.

So I made up some stupid excuse to get out of the celebration at the mayor's mansion and I spent the entire Harvest festival hiding in the woods. It wasn't that bad. I hadn't had that much free time on the other side of the fence since I started working in the mines and I was able to catch a couple of rabbits and some squirrels, but any sense of calm I recovered during those days quickly vanished when I stumbled upon the offering she'd left at our meeting place the following Sunday. Her _fiancée's_ gloves, really? By the time I made my way to the cabin where she was waiting for me I was already fuming.

The second I walked through the door she started talking about President Snow's visit to her house. I was shocked to discover that he'd threatened her family and mine. I was so relieved when she asked me to run away into the woods with her, she was finally coming back to me, finally acknowledging my feelings for her, our feelings for one another, our love. Well, that's what I thought at first. She quickly corrected my mistake though. Apparently, she'd been too afraid to sort out her feelings for me but, when it came to endangering her family by bringing the baker's son, who knows nothing about survival in the woods, along for the ride, she wasn't that afraid. When she started talking about the unrest she had seen in the districts I snapped. I just couldn't believe my ears! It was like a dream come true. Knowing that we're not alone, that we're not the only ones that are tired of this oppression, that there are those who are willing to fight back. The President's visit to District 12 could only mean one thing: these rebels are not weak and he's afraid of them. But, for some reason I don't understand, Katniss didn't seem interested in joining the fight. She just wanted to hide and I just needed to leave.

In hindsight I should have reigned in my temper a bit better, but I just couldn't stop myself. When she started talking about how scared she was I realized that, for all my talk about love and friendship, I honestly didn't know what her new life was really like. So, as I angrily made my way back into town, the same questions kept racing through my mind in one continuous loop: Who was this person I had been talking to? What had happened to the girl who was brave enough to feed her family while ignoring the dangers on both sides of the fence, the girl who volunteered to go into an arena just to keep her sister safe? Well, there's one thing I know for sure, she was no longer a girl; she was a victor. A _victor_… the word always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, a reminder of the wedge that separates us. Is that what victors are like: selfish, cowardly, detached, weak? It seems that for these past few months she'd been nothing but a puppet, smiling and dancing and kissing on cue. All around her the country's been about to explode but she just wanted to keep pretending, just acting like nothing's happening, like it's alright to starve to death and to risk your life working in the mines, in the fields, in the factories that benefit the Capitol and keep the districts enslaved. It seems like our freedom hasn't been very important to her, no, as long as those close to her are fine then the rest of the country can burn. I should be flattered; I'm on the short list of those she's trying to protect, after all. But, somehow, I'm still disappointed. She could do so much good if she just wanted to.

I angrily cursed under my breath as I made my way back into town. If I hadn't been so focused on my anger and my disappointment I probably would have noticed the group of Peacekeepers assembled in the square, or the strong smell of disinfectant that wafted from Cray's old house. I could have seen the group of people from the Seam hurrying back home; talking in hushed voices, their eyes trained on the fallen snow along the road. But I didn't notice any of these things, and it wasn't until I was face to face with our new Head Peacekeeper that I realized I had made a mistake, a terrible mistake.

XXXXX

My whole body was on fire. I could hear distant voices, but I just couldn't focus my attention on what they were saying, I really didn't have enough strength left in me to care. My body was burning. The pain was so acute and overwhelming that I wished the fire would consume me once and for all. The cold snow relieved my burning flesh instantly. I could feel the soft flakes melting into the open gashes on my back. I sighed in relief; maybe I wouldn't burn after all. I felt a soft pinch in my arm and my body went numb, I was completely relaxed. I started drifting away, morphling's soft embrace cradling me, carrying me to the clouds. I'd been flying for a while, floating softly, like a kite, held down to earth by a delicate string when I heard her voice reaching out to me "I'm sorry" she said. And then she kissed me. This kiss was completely different from the one I gave her. Her lips were relaxed and soft, the kiss tender and warm. I don't know if it was the medicine running through my body or the tenderness of her touch but I was enveloped by warmth. It wasn't the all-consuming heat of passion I had felt while making out with those girls from the Seam I had occupied my time with before I realized how much my Catnip had grown. This was a comforting kind of heat, the kind that burns softly and lasts longer. Suddenly I felt no more pain, no more envy and no more anger, no more sorrow. For a moment I was completely at peace with the world. It was a delicious feeling. After, I felt her forehead resting on my shoulder. I could hear her breathing as it slowed down to a steady rhythm. I could tell she was drifting off, surrendering to sleep. I felt the warm embrace of sleep pulling me under and I let myself go.

XXXXX

I don't remember much about my first days at the Everdeen's home. I remember pain so overwhelming I could hardly breathe at times. I remember feeling so weak and so broken that I wondered why they were even bothering with me. Didn't they have anything better to do with their time than trying to keep me alive? The only thing that made my situation somewhat bearable was the brief respite provided by the medicine Mrs. Everdeen pumped into my system regularly.

For the first couple of days Katniss barely left my side. She sat next to me, as strong cold winds howled outside, throwing fat snowflakes against the walls and windows encasing the sturdy house in an icy shell, isolating us from the rest of the world. She paid close attention to my every noise and my every move. Sometimes, before drifting away into my drug-induced slumber I could still recall the soft tingle of her lips pressed against mine.

She never held my hand again after the first night.

As days went by I could feel her becoming restless, her whole body aching to be outside, on the other side of the fence, preferably. I can't say I blamed her though; if I'd had an ounce of energy to spare I would've been running through the trees as well.

After a couple of days the frozen coat that covered the house began to melt and I could hear the Victor's Village coming back to life. A steady trickle of visitors started coming through the door. My crewmate Thom came by to check up on my progress. A couple of pregnant women from the Seam came in looking for Mrs. Everdeen's help. Even Haymitch made an appearance in the late afternoon, the stench of a three-day bender trailing behind him.

I sometimes wondered how my mother and siblings were faring back in our own modest little house. Did they have enough coal and wood to keep warm? Did they have any food left? I felt so useless but the pain and the medicine made it impossible for me to move.

I slept on the kitchen table for several days. My injuries were still fresh and they didn't want to risk moving me into the spare bedroom. Even though they tried to be quiet around me I could still hear everything that happened around the house. One morning, while Prim was at school and Mrs. Everdeen was out, Katniss's fiancé showed up, the usual loaf of freshly baked bread tucked under his arm. After what sounded like some very awkward chitchat she asked him to join her in the study. They must have thought that I was completely out of it because they didn't bother closing the door behind them and, even though they were practically whispering, I could still make out what they were saying.

"Hey, can we talk?" She asked.

"Sure Katniss, what's up?"

"I... I just wanted to say 'thank you'."

"Oh... it's fine, I baked a lot during the snowstorm, just something to pass the time I guess. I still have a few more loaves at home. I'm taking them over to the community home later today, before they go stale."

"Oh... hmm... that's not what I meant." She sounded so nervous that my curiosity was instantly piqued. "I wanted to thank you for... for what you did the other day... for... for Gale." Surprise ran through me like a bolt of lightning. What was she talking about? What he did for me? What was that exactly?

"Katniss... you don't need to thank me. Actually, I wish I'd reacted sooner; I should have stopped it before you got hurt. Besides... it's not like I had a choice." I could feel my head spinning at this point. I couldn't stop it so I just tried to control my breathing as I listened intently to their conversation.

"C'mon Peeta, you had a choice!" She was starting to sound annoyed, she wasn't really whispering anymore.

"Really? And, what choice was that exactly?" He was still trying to keep his voice down, he wasn't being very successful though. "Allow that beast to keep on going until he finished Gale off? 'Cause that's what would've happened if we hadn't stopped him." 'We' in plural? What had he done? I had been trying to recall what had happened on the square. I remembered being tied to the whipping post and Darius trying to stop his new boss. The image of the new Head hitting the young Peacekeeper in the face kept playing in my mind. Shortly after that I lost consciousness. The next thing I recalled was lying on the table while Katniss yelled incoherently and her mother and Prim tended to my wounds. The fiancée's voice brought me back to the conversation in the study.

"I'm just grateful that he didn't call my bluff." He said.

"But, that's exactly it Peeta, you challenged him! You dared a head Peacekeeper to hit you. What would've happened if he'd called your bluff? How did you know he wouldn't?" I realized that I was holding my breath. My mind was still spinning uncontrollably; I needed to understand what had happened on that square.

"Well, I didn't..." he snapped back at her "but I couldn't just stand back and watch. What Thread was doing was wrong, you know it and I know it. Hell! Everyone who was there knows it! Even the Peacekeeper that eventually intervened, knew it. Honestly Katniss, I don't regret doing it; I'd probably do it again." His words hit me like a direct punch to the stomach. He had been willing to put my safety before his. Something in his voice made me believe him when he said he'd do it again. I had seen Peeta Mellark fight more than once. I remembered some of his wrestling matches at school and, of course, I knew what he'd done during his game. But I never imagined he'd stand up for me. I had given him no cause for that. Catnip seemed quite flustered by his words as well. She clearly didn't want to argue anymore when she said "Well... I… I just... I wish... We need to be careful, that's all I'm saying."

With a tired tone he answered "That, I won't argue with."

"Good. Ready to take a walk into town?"

"Sure, let's go."

After they left the house was engulfed in silence. As I processed all the information that I'd just received I realized something. One way or another the baker's son had risked his life trying to protect me. I didn't really know what had driven him to do something so reckless, as far as I could tell he was trying to protect Katniss. But even if my safety hadn't been his primary concern I'd benefited from his actions. To hear Katniss tell it I pretty much owed him my life. This was a debt I would never be able to repay. How could I, in good conscience keep on treating him like an enemy? I'd hated him since the first time I saw him on TV, holding Catnip's hand during the tribute parade. After, when he publicly declared his feelings for her, I instantly accused him of being manipulative and false. But, after everything that had happened inside that arena, even I had to admit that his love for her seemed genuine. He'd definitely risked his life more than once just to keep her safe. He was even willing to let her shoot him once the rule change was cancelled. If what Catnip told me in the cabin is true, he hasn't been in control of anything either. She'd obviously been trying to protect him, that's why she wanted to bring him along with us into the woods.

As I drifted away into a dreamless sleep one thought occupied my mind. The baker's son had saved my life. Katniss's fiancé had saved my life. Peeta had saved my life.

XXXXX

I've spent the last 10 days staying at the Everdeen's home in the Victor's Village. Once the open cuts on my back began to heal I was moved from the kitchen into the study. The study doesn't have a proper bed, but the long, backless couch that Mrs. Everdeen calls "chaise longue" is good enough for me. Besides, their spare room is on the top floor and I didn't have enough energy to climb the stairs during the first days of my stay.

This room is a bit sterile, there's a large imposing desk with a couple of straight back chairs that look very formal and not very inviting. Beside the couch where I sleep there's a round corner table with a small reading lamp. The large windows on the side of the couch face the front of the house and they're covered with two layers of curtains. The first layer is made of some sort of lacy material, it's so thin that it's almost transparent; apparently its function is to provide privacy from outside onlookers. The fabric on the second layer is soft and thick; when the curtain is drawn almost no light comes through, it makes the room incredibly dark and stuffy, reminding me of the large elevator that lowers me into the mines every morning. I had a small panic attack the first night I slept here. I had trouble breathing and I kept thinking the walls were going to collapse in on me. As soon as I got up that morning I opened the thick curtains and I haven't touched them since.

I've spent most of my time here inside this room. I haven't had enough energy to do much and Mrs. Everdeen and Prim wanted to make sure that my wounds healed properly. They didn't want to risk an infection by allowing my injuries to open up from unnecessary movements.

Between the inactivity and the medication the memories of my days here are foggy. Whenever I'm awake I try to make sense of everything I've learnt in the past few days. The conversation I had with Katniss in the cabin, the realization that things are changing around us. A revolution may be underway in some of the other districts but Twelve is small and poor. People here are hungry and afraid and, if the new Peacekeepers are any indication, the Capitol isn't ignoring us anymore. But politics and revolutions haven't been the only topics on my mind. Being here has also allowed me to see a different side of Katniss's life. A side I'd never seen before, a side I didn't expect. I've noticed that the bond she shares with the other victors is quite strong. It's not difficult to understand why they'd share such a strong connection. They're the only ones who know what it's like to make it out of an arena alive, after all. I guess I just never gave it much thought before now. Back in the cabin I accused her of being selfish and cowardly for wanting to run and hide, it drove me mad that she was willing to risk her life, our lives, by trying to bring Haymitch and Peeta into the woods with us. But, after the way they all stood up for me during Thread's punishment I realized that this is how they operate, they protect each other. After their display on the square I have to give them credit for being brave and selfless. It's been humbling to accept that I'll never be able to pay them back for what they did for me that day.

According to Mrs. Everdeen the scaring process has begun and I'm no longer at risk of an infection, so I'll be free to go back to my family tomorrow morning. I'll still have to come by a couple of times a week to have my back checked, but I can start working again.

I'm a bit anxious about going back home. With everything that's happened lately: the heightened security inside our district, the arrival of spoiled food and supplies, I really don't know where any of us are standing. Fortunately for my family Catnip convinced Haymitch to hire my mother. I know that has meant that my siblings haven't been as hungry as the rest of the people from the Seam, but I also know that after my run in with Thread people tried avoiding my mother and they're probably weary of my family's connections to the district's victors. I wonder how they'll treat me once I get back.

It's sometime past midnight, I'm lying on my couch, warmly cocooned inside the soft blankets. Everyone's sleeping and the whole house is quiet. The room is bathed in soft moonlight. A light flurry has begun to fall. Soft snowflakes cast playful shadows inside my room. I'm completely relaxed. I can feel sleep taking over. I happily give into it.

Screams. Blood-curdling screams pierce the air. I'm startled awake, where are those horrible noises coming from? It only takes a few seconds to figure it out. The noise comes from Katniss's room.

I'm fully awake now. I stay still and listen for a minute. She hasn't stopped yelling.

It's not the first time that this has happened. Before my whipping I never knew that Katniss had nightmares; I guess this is something else I've learnt about her since I've been staying here. She hasn't really told me what she dreams about but, judging by her screams, it must be something really scary. Frankly, I think she's a little embarrassed about the whole thing. She hasn't mentioned the dreams themselves, but she must know that I know about them. It's impossible not to, when she wakes up screaming like that in the middle of the night. The truth is that I've never known what to do on these occasions. The first time it happened I considered going to her but, before I could make up my mind, I heard Prim making her way into her sister's room. I was relieved. I don't know if I would have been able to calm her down. Prim, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what to do. After a couple of minutes the yelling stopped but I could still hear Katniss's sobs echoing through the hallway. I felt so helpless my heart ached. Tonight is no different. Except that, for once, I can at least venture a guess as to what, or rather who, she's dreaming about.

The anguish in her voice as she screams for Peeta to run sends a chill down my spine. I can hear Prim running through the upstairs corridor. After a couple of minutes the familiar sobs replace the screams. I breathe. There's one more scream "NO" she says. It's only one word but it still sounds pained. I listen intently as Katniss runs down the stairs, I'm painfully aware that right now she doesn't sound like a hunter, she sounds like prey.

I'm on my feet but I stay rooted to my spot. I don't want to scare her away. I listen closely to her movements. She's right outside my door. I can hear her fumbling around in the foyer and, a moment later, I hear the front door open and slam shut. I rush over to the window, through the delicate material of the drapes I can see Katniss running away from her house and going towards Peeta's. I almost don't believe my eyes when I see him running towards her. Did he hear her scream all the way to his house? He must have, why else would he leave his home in the dead of night? She's still running and shows no signs of slowing down. They're halfway between their two houses now. He opens his arms to her and she runs right into them with such force that he almost looses his balance. She immediately pulls him close and keeps him from falling onto the snow. They stand there, in the middle of the deserted street, holding onto each other. Neither one seems willing to let go. I'm suddenly aware of the way my heart is racing inside my chest. I take a deep breath trying to get it to calm down. I can't tear my eyes away from the scene unfolding in front of me.

After a few minutes Peeta lets go of her and takes a small step back. I can see him fumbling with his coat's zipper. Once he manages to unzip it he holds the flaps open in his hands, Katniss closes the distance between them as she dives into Peeta's coat. She wraps her arms around him under the fabric of the garment and he holds her, wrapping his jacket around her like a blanket over her small frame. They're both huddled inside his coat, her forehead rests against the crook of his neck and I can see their breaths coming out in small puffs against the cold air. Peeta rubs slow soothing circles on her back. They're moving in a gentle rocking motion, two bodies delicately dancing with the snowflakes.

My heartbeat has slowed down to a more normal pace. My eyes are still trained on them. I realize that I'm analyzing them in the same way I'd analyze prey. I study their every movement and even though I can't hear them from here I try to read their reactions. I need to understand what's happening here.

Their faces are just inches apart. He pulls his head back to look at her. She pulls away from him slightly, just enough to look at his face. He tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear. I don't think I've ever touched her like that. I've seen him do it tons of times but always in front of the cameras, for show, I never imagined she'd allow him to do something like that in private. She doesn't seem to mind though.

It hasn't stopped snowing. He shakes his head, the faint dusting of snow that had been gathering on his hair lands on Katniss's face. I can see her nose wrinkle when the cold feathers land on it. There's a small smile on her lips, and, judging by the way her shoulders are shaking, I think she's giggling. Katniss giggling. Not something you see every day.

The salty wetness on my lips pulls me out of my reverie. I'm crying. I can't remember the last time I cried. When I'm upset I normally tense up, my heart races inside my chest, my whole body is consumed by fire, my hands become tightly shut fists, the instinct to spring into action is very strong. But this is different, I feel like I can't move, there is no strength left in me. I can hardly breathe. I feel defeated, helpless. There's nothing I can do to change what's happening in front of me and, honestly, I don't even feel it would be right to try.

Time ticks by. They're still talking. Their breaths turning into white clouds of warmth against the winter chill. I watch. Suddenly Peeta lets go of her and takes a small step back. She's still holding onto him, partially protected by his coat. He's tugging at the scarf around his neck. I watch closely as he untangles it. I don't think I've ever seen a scarf like this one before. It looks like it's… orange? Yes, orange, a very pale shade, but orange nonetheless. But the color isn't the only thing that catches my eye. Scarfs are usually made of rough, thick yarn but this one looks too thin, the fabric seems to be soft and delicate and, as he holds it fully stretched in front of him, I can see that it's very long and wide. I wonder what something like that costs, and if there's any real justification for it's worth. I won't deny it's nice to look at, but I'm sure that my shabby old scarf protects my neck just as well.

Peeta wraps his scarf around Katniss's neck. She stands very still as his hands move in small circles around her head. Once he's done she pulls on the edges of the scarf tightening it around her neck and immediately ducks her nose inside of the soft piece of fabric. They stand like that, looking at each other for what feels like an eternity but can't be longer than a few minutes. It's a cold night and, now that Katniss is no longer protected by Peeta's coat, you can see that she's started to tremble. He says something and she nods. She turns her back to him but doesn't move. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and leads her back to her house. The door opens, and as she steps into the house I finally hear their voices.

"Good night Peeta."

"Sleep well Katniss."

Panic has been replaced by calm.

I try to follow Katniss's motions once she closes the door; it's impossible, the hunter is back. I know she's back upstairs when her bedroom door creaks.

I lie back down on the couch, resting my head against its arm. The covers that once brought me comfort now feel stifling. I close my eyes and try to piece this puzzle together. I can feel my heart pounding heavily inside my chest. I try to conjure up pleasant thoughts. Try to remember Katniss's kiss, its softness, its warmth, the peace that enveloped me immediately after. Two words interrupt my thoughts. _I'm sorry_. _I'm. Sorry._ My eyes snap open. That's what she said right before kissing me "I'm sorry".

I try to focus on that night. I was splayed on her kitchen table my back a bloody mess, more dead than alive. I've never been more broken or vulnerable in my life. Did she kiss me because she felt sorry for me? She didn't say, "I love you" or "please don't leave me" or "I need you," she said, "I'm sorry". What was she apologizing for? For what had happened that day? The fight we'd had, my whipping? Or was she apologizing for something else, something deeper like not coming home from the games to me or not reciprocating my feelings. When I told her that I loved her that day she only answered, "I know". She's never said that she loves me back. Is that what she's sorry about?

The truth is that things haven't been the same between us since she came back from the arena and we're both to blame for that. I know I shouldn't have pressured her when she came back from the Games. When I kissed her the way I did I showed her what I wanted but I never asked what she thought or how she felt about it. Honestly, I never even entertained the possibility that she might not be interested in me. I always thought it was just a matter of time. I was older, and more experienced and she'd always followed my lead. She always came to me for advice. I never thought she'd ever run to anyone else for comfort, not even Prim. She was the one comforting and protecting Prim and I was the one protecting her, or so I thought. But how did I protect her, really? Where was I while she was climbing up trees and cutting down tracker jacker nests? And when she was scared and half frozen while her enemy screamed into the night? Where was I then? I was here, stuck underground, watching her on TV, badmouthing the Capitol but following most of their rules. Feeling proud, strong and defiant for breaking the rules in order to feed my family, while conveniently ignoring the fact that my dealings with corrupt Peacekeepers were what really kept me safe. I was never free and I was never powerful. They had me on a leash. Cray's leash was just a bit longer than Thread's.

My mind keeps spinning but my body can no longer keep up. I give up trying to stay awake, there's no way I'll be able to figure out all of my problems in just one night and I need to rest. Tomorrow I'll be back home and I'll probably be going back into the mines the next day. I'll have enough time to think while I'm stuck down there. As sleep takes over I hear the soft whisper of the wind and I let the images of dancing snowflakes carry me into oblivion.

I wake up to the sound of Mrs. Everdeen moving around in the kitchen, she's talking to Prim. I leave my room to go into the downstairs bathroom, which has been exclusively mine during my stay. After washing up and changing into the clean outfit that my mom delivered yesterday I go into the kitchen. They're at the table, on their usual seats.

"Morning Gale," Prim greets "did you sleep well?"

"Yes, very well" I lie. Prim doesn't need to know about my problems.

Just as I settle on my usual seat I see Katniss coming in through the door. She looks a bit pale, but the circles under her eyes are not as bad as other mornings. She hasn't gotten out of her sleep clothes yet and her braided hair is a bit disheveled. She's extended Peeta's scarf and she's using it as a shawl, keeping it tightly wrapped around her upper body. I briefly wonder if she kept it on her as she slept. Prim looks at her sister in surprise.

"Wow, that's pretty," she says, as her hand reaches out to touch the orange fabric "Ooh, it's very soft. Is it warm?"

"Yeah, very." There's a very soft blush on Katniss's cheeks and is that the tiniest hint of a smile on her lips? I'm not sure Prim notices it as she keeps inquiring about the garment.

"I'd never seen it before. It's from Cinna, isn't it? I love the color. Will you let me borrow it sometime?"

"Uh, sure… one of these days little duck."

Prim seems satisfied with her sister's answer and starts talking about a project she's doing for school. Apparently she has to draw a diagram of a mine's compartment and Peeta is going to help her with it. I'm curious as to how much can Peeta possibly know about mines, but I bite my tongue, this is not my family and no one is asking for my help. After breakfast is over Prim gets ready for school, right before leaving she kisses my forehead and tells me she's very happy with the progress I've made. She sounds so grown up, like a true professional, and I can't help but smile at her.

Katniss and I finish our breakfast in silence while her mother goes back into her bedroom to get ready for the day.

"So, you're going back to The Seam," she says as she stands up from her chair. She keeps tugging at the shawl keeping it tight around her frame.

"Yep, I've been released by my doctors." I'm trying to make it sound like a joke, but I really don't have enough energy to pull it off. There's a hint of cinnamon in the air and I don't know why but it's making me nauseous.

"Good, I'm glad you're alright. I guess I'll see you back here in a couple of days, when you come back for your treatment."

"Yeah, sure."

"Good," she says again "I'm gonna go get dressed, say hi to your family for me."

"Mm-hmm, see you later then."

"Bye."

As she turns around to leave the kitchen I notice that she tightens the shawl around her body once again. She walks out of the kitchen. She doesn't look back at me.

Mrs. Everdeen takes another look at my injuries and applies a fresh bandage on top of my scar tissue. She gives me some instructions on how to take care of my back and tells me to come back in a couple of days. After I've thanked her and collected the few belongings my mother brought over I head out onto the street. It's the first time I've been outside in days. It's not snowing anymore but white freckles still litter the ground. I take a deep breath. I feel the cold winter air numbing the dull ache that settled on my chest a few hours ago

As I walk towards the gates that surround the Victor's Village I remember how the soft cold snow coats healed my wounded back, maybe this cold breeze can help heal my wounded soul as well. One thing is very clear though; things will never go back to the way they used to be. Maybe I should learn to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

Three months ago I was standing, along with most of the population of District 12, at the town square. Three large screens had been set up in front of the justice building. Once again we were being forced to watch, helplessly, as our loved ones were paraded in front of the Capitol's elite. This time was different though, for the first time in Panem's history the tributes on our screens weren't small, terrified children. Some of them were strong, determined, vicious looking adults. The crowd stood still as the screens reflected chariot after chariot of well-known faces. There were the typical Career types, looking well-fed, strong and cold-blooded, clearly ready to go back into battle. There were others that looked painfully damaged or weak and some that were simply shocked, going back to an arena had never been part of their plan. As the last chariot came into view the crowd held a collective breath. The tributes from District 12 were, once again, making a grand entrance. Just like last year their costumes represented the district's trade but where last year we had seen wild, untamed flames this year we saw the steady warm glow of embers. Cinna had decided to show the world the kind of heat that refuses to die.

My heart started beating furiously as Katniss and Peeta went around the City Circle, their hands tightly intertwined, their heads held high. The fierce determination in Peeta's eyes burnt a hole through my chest. The shy boy who had once held my girl's hand was long gone; he'd been replaced by a strong, determined man who was ready to go into battle. I knew, without a doubt, that if I ever saw Katniss again it would be because of him. He didn't volunteer to go into that arena expecting to survive; he just wanted to keep her safe. I had to admit that the hatred I'd once felt towards the baker's son had gradually turned into respect over the course of the last few months.

XXXXX

I remember the impotence I felt as President Snow read the card for the Quarter Quell. As soon as the announcement was over I rushed over to Catnip's house. I couldn't believe that she was being sent back into an arena. Was this what she had been so afraid of? Was this how the president had chosen to punish her? To punish them? A cold chill ran down my spine as I thought about the three victors on the main square, standing between Thread's whip and my bloody back. That act of defiance was probably one of the reasons why President Snow wanted them gone. I could feel the familiar heat of anger enveloping my chest. I'd called her a coward, criticized her for not wanting to fight, well, she'd fought. She'd fought against the local authorities to save my life and how was she being paid for it? With a second trip into an arena. Suddenly I realized the Quarter Quell was still months away, we could still do something. We could still run.

By the time I found her she was drunk and defeated. I knew that the electric fence had been turned on but I just wanted to grab her and run away. She said running was no longer an option. She had given up and I couldn't really blame her. The last months had been a harsh and constant reminder of the Capitol's hold on our lives. Stricter security that had resulted in whippings and imprisonment for some of the people we dealt with everyday, a steady flow of electricity for the district's electrified fence, spoiled food on parcel day, longer working hours in the mines and hunger. Endless hunger. People were starving and the Capitol still had the upper hand. The president's message had been very clear "even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol."

A couple of days later there was a knock on my door, I couldn't hide my surprise when I saw Peeta on the other side of it. He was a bit nervous, we had never been alone before, but that didn't stop him. He wanted to train for the Quarter Quell "like Careers" he said. He wanted me to help them train, "You have survival skills," he added "I know you're good with snares. Anything you can teach us will surely give us an advantage inside the arena. Will you help us?" How could I refuse?

The next Sunday I showed up at Victor's Village and helped them train. Katniss's scowl as I approached the three victors the first day was quite comical. She seemed on edge, never knowing where to land her eyes. She was evidently uncomfortable mixing these two different sides of her life. She seemed to relax once Peeta explained the situation to her, "we need all the help we can get," he patiently told to her, "and it's not like you can go hunting on Sundays anymore."

In all truth Katniss already knew most of the things I taught them, and Haymitch was too weak from withdrawal symptoms to pay any attention to my explanations, but Peeta tried his hardest to learn a few basic snares. Hard as he tried he lacked all the necessary instincts for setting snares though. He either tightened the wires excessively, or he balanced the traps incorrectly, but he simply couldn't manage to get the most basic of snares to hold its position. I found myself holding back laughter each time one of his snares collapsed between his fingers. He wasn't deterred by failure though, he would just huff, puff and curse under his breath and start all over again. It was the first time I'd seen him struggle with anything. I wondered what the throngs of adoring fans from the Capitol would think if they could hear the words emanating from their dazzling victor's mouth.

As weeks went by their results improved. Peeta managed to master some basic traps and Haymitch became less sluggish and more focused. He was still pretty surly though. Katniss would often scowl at him and tell him that his attitude wasn't appreciated, but I think that only served to spur him on.

One day, as I was waiting around for them to finish a specific set of snares I'd just explained, I noticed how different the interaction between Peeta and Katniss seemed. After spending those days at the Everdeen home I had grown used to the way they would talk to each other. They would normally talk in hushed voices, standing close to each other, placing their hands on each other's arms or shoulders, drawing the other one close. It had always seemed like they were sharing some secret no one else was supposed to know about. And, from time to time, they'd even smile a little. But, things were different now; there were no more private discussions, no whispers, no touching and, definitely, no smiling. Their interactions had become more distant since the Quarter Quell had been announced. I can't say that it bothered me though. If anything, it made my time with them much more easier to bear. They were getting ready to fight and there was no room for distractions or romance, pretended or otherwise.

Even though they never shared any of their plans or strategies with me I wasn't surprised when Peeta volunteered to replace Haymitch inside the arena. The devastated look on Catnip's face when he stepped forward nearly broke me in half.

I had to fight the urge to smack the smirk right out of Thread's lips as he shoved Katniss and Peeta into the transport that would take them to the train station. Right before they disappeared behind the doors of the justice building he turned towards me. His eyes were full of contempt but I held my ground and stood tall. My hands were tight fists and I shot him a determined glare. "This isn't over", I thought, "you won't be in charge forever."

I had planned to talk to Catnip after the reaping but as I saw the train leaving the station I wondered if maybe this had been for the best. Something deep inside told me that I didn't really want to hear what she'd been planning to say to me. I just kept reminding myself, she came back once and she may come back again.

XXXXX

There they were, standing in front of President Snow, listening to his speech. Their bodies glowed like hot coal and their stares were unforgiving. They were still holding onto each other, clearly a united front. They were showing the world that they were ready to fight. I knew they'd been ready for months. Looking at them I allowed myself to feel hopeful. All the training and strategizing they'd done over the last weeks might pay off after all.

A week later we were all back on the square, the new Peacekeepers made sure that no one stayed home, they wanted us where they could see us. There was a nervous energy in the crowd. People in the district were feeling anxious after the announcement of the training scores the night before. Having two tributes from the same district with the highest score was unheard of. Caesar Flickerman said he couldn't remember a time when something like that had happened, not even among Careers. And the fact that these tributes were the _star crossed lovers_ made him giddy with anticipation. It made me nauseous with dread.

We all stared silently at the screens as Caesar interviewed this year's tributes. We could hear the audience in the Capitol cheer and gasp as their favorite tributes stepped on stage. The Careers behaved the same as they always had, they acted like well-oiled killing machines, but some of the other tributes were full of surprises. Beetee Latier shocked everyone by suggesting that the rules for the Quarter Quell could be changed or amended. Finnick Odair's poem for an undisclosed lover confused me and Johanna Mason's rant against the Capitol brought a small smile to my lips, that woman was fierce. The thought of her sharing an arena with Katniss worried me.

When Katniss stepped onto the stage dressed as a Capitol bride I felt sick. The familiar taste of bile seeped into my mouth as she explained that President Snow had requested the outfit. I was so enraged that I blocked out most of her conversation with Caesar. The sight of her twirling and catching fire on screen immediately brought my full attention back to the broadcast. After, as she stood onstage with arms outstretched and a resolute look in her eyes, my heart leapt inside my chest. She was beautiful and she was about to take flight. I chanced a glance around the square. I could see the mix of excitement and fear on everyone's faces. The Peacekeepers who were watching the show stood a bit straighter than they had before, the message they were sending was very clear, they were paying attention as well.

My whole body went numb as Peeta described District Twelve's toasting ceremony. When he said, "we're more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us" a burning ache exploded inside my chest. Where was he going with this? I asked myself as I saw him fidget and stutter nervously in front of Caesar. I was still trying to control the dry heat that was spreading through my body when he blurted out "Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar, if it weren't for the baby."

The world stood still. My mouth went dry and I realized I'd forgotten how to breathe. What was he talking about? There was no way this was true. It was all a lie. It had to be. The secret toasting, the baby, I knew it was a lie, but the rest of the world didn't, they actually believed him. And who could blame them, when he had those blue eyes of his, loaded with grief and regret, trained directly on the camera?

After a few seconds of absolute silence the crowd on the square began to stir. Soft whispers jumped from one pair of lips to the next. I wanted to shush them all. I wanted to yell at them and to scorn them for being so gullible. The noise coming through the speakers brought my attention back to the broadcast. The audience in the Capitol was enraged; the announcement had them all in frenzy. We could hear their incensed screams along with Caesar's futile attempts to pacify them. The time allotted for the interview ran out. Peeta turned away from the camera. His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he made his way towards the back of the stage were all the other victors where assembled.

Tears were running freely down his cheeks by the time he reached his bride. Katniss held his gaze for a moment and extended her hand out to him. When I saw their intertwined fingers I understood what he'd done. For reasons beyond my understanding the people from the Capitol cared about the star crossed lovers. They had anxiously followed their romance and they were looking forward to years of entertainment from the pair. First they would have witnessed their wedding, and then they would have followed their children, who would have most likely been reaped at some point as well. He was just giving them a new chapter of their fairytale romance, adding some drama into the mix. The other victors had been known in the Capitol for years. Sponsors already knew whom they were going to back. The only thing that set the District Twelve victors apart from the rest was the fact that they were a couple. People needed to be reminded of that fact, even if it was painful for me to hear.

The screen didn't hold Katniss's sad expression for long. As the camera moved away from her she dropped Peeta's gaze and turned around to face her fellow tributes. Nervous energy coursed through my veins when I saw Katniss reach out her hand to hold Chaff's stump. One by one the other victors followed her example, an unstoppable avalanche of victors reaching out to their neighbors, within seconds they were all holding hands, even the Careers reluctantly joined in the gesture. There they stood for the entire world to see, 24 victors linked together, 12 districts united. I thought my heart would burst from excitement, but once the screens went black the excitement was replaced with dread. We had just witnessed an act of treason; there was no way President Snow would forgive this.

I hardly slept a wink that night. I couldn't switch my mind off. I kept thinking about all the horrors that awaited Katniss inside that arena. I'd never seen a Quarter Quell before but I'd heard they were particularly horrifying and, I was certain that the game makers wouldn't hold back with an arena full of victors.

I desperately tossed and turned as I waited for morning to break.

XXXXX

The arena turned out to be every bit as terrifying as I had imagined. Clearly the game makers had considered many different angles, including the fact that some of the tributes had known each other for a long time and might have qualms about killing one another, so the arena did it for them. I watched hour after hour counting all the horrors that the different wedges held hoping Katniss and her group of allies realized they were being held inside a giant clock.

Katniss's alliance with Finnick unsettled me. He was one of the most artificial and shallow products the Capitol had to offer. How could she possibly trust him? At some point they were going to have to turn on each other. How was she going to get rid of him when the time came?

My whole body stiffened when Peeta hit the force field. I held my breath as Finnick moved over him. I glanced around the square and found the baker and his two sons standing a couple of rows ahead of me. Confusion and concern were written all over their faces as they watched Finnick covering Peeta's mouth with his own and pressing his chest rhythmically. Every pair of eyes on that square was glued to the images playing on the screens. One screen showed Katniss's perplexed expression as she watched Finnick working on Peeta. The other two showed different angles of Finnick's efforts. No one moved a muscle. The only sounds in the square were Katniss's sobs coming through the speakers. Even though I could hardly breathe my mind was racing. What was Finnick doing? Why had Katniss lowered her arrow? Was she surrendering? The sound of Peeta's cough froze my racing mind. Every single person on that square sighed in relief. I watched in amazement as Katniss pulled Peeta into her arms. The square erupted in applause. The baker hugged his two sons, joyful tears streaming down their cheeks.

Relief washed over me and I allowed myself a small smile. Peeta was alive, Katniss wasn't alone, Finnick had helped them. Finnick had helped them. Why? They were inside an arena. Only one of them could survive. Tributes normally attacked or ignored each other; no one had ever brought someone else back to life. It went against every principle the arenas stood for. As I tried to understand Finnick's motivation I turned my attention back to my district's tributes.

Katniss was still holding on to Peeta and she was crying uncontrollably. Peeta's arms were tightly wrapped around her and he kept rubbing soothing circles on her back. The gesture brought me back to that night, when I saw them together under the snow in Victor's Village. It seemed that, once more, he was the only person in the world who could comfort her. The desperation in her voice as she tried to explain to him that his heart had stopped worried me. She'd looked so broken during those long seconds when she thought he'd died. I asked myself what would have become of her if he had? The answer chilled me to the bone, mostly because I knew that he wasn't planning on surviving this adventure.

She was clinging on to him, hiccuping and sighing, unable to catch her breath, when I noticed Finnick's confused expression. He was obviously surprised by my friend's outburst; the whole thing seemed to make him uncomfortable. I can't say I blamed him though. I figured that someone like him would be hard pressed to know what real affection was.

Real. Yes, the bond between Katniss and Peeta was undeniably real. Everything about this moment attested to that. And, if what I had seen around here over the course of the last few months was any indication, it had been real for some time.

Days went by. Katniss and most of her allies managed to survive the new horrors that each hour brought. The old District Four victor's sacrifice saddened me. People in District Twelve didn't usually reach old age, not even among the town's merchant class. The constant malnutrition and poor living conditions in the district didn't exactly promote longevity, and those who did survive were usually riddled with illness and misery. But Mags had seemed different, full of life somehow. Maybe having braved the odds at such a young age had made her appreciate life; maybe having her victor's earnings all those years had made life easier for her. Still, I couldn't bring myself to resent her after she had so clearly decided to end her life so that Peeta could have his. Once again I found the actions of a District Four tribute puzzling. What game were these people playing? What were they hoping to achieve? The question unnerved me and I was determined to find an answer.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder Johanna Mason joined the group. She was strong, vicious and volatile and I had to wonder how on earth was Katniss going to rid herself of the veteran victor. Even though she wasn't very fond of Katniss her interactions with Finnick were almost sweet, and she appeared to be genuinely moved by Mags's death. They'd probably known each other for years, their alliance made sense.

I thought back to Katniss's previous Game; she'd only had two allies then. The first one had been the small intelligent girl who had clearly reminded her of Prim. The strong bond they'd shared had been evident. Her second ally had been Peeta, and she only joined him after the rules had been changed, when she thought she wouldn't have to kill him in order to survive. I was obviously expecting her and Peeta to have some sort of joint strategy this time around but I hadn't expected anyone else to join them.

Regardless of how anxious these arrangements between tributes made me I had to recognize that Catnip was really benefiting from them. Finnick fed them fresh fish, Wiress's ramblings made them realize that the arena worked like a clock and, when the group decided to raid the cornucopia, Johanna's prowess with an axe was certainly helpful. For once the Careers didn't seem as strong whenever they were on screen.

The one thought that kept nagging at me was that I couldn't understand why some of these people seemed to be willing to risk their lives for my district's tributes. Katniss and Peeta didn't seem to be aware of it but the others were constantly finding ways to keep them out of harm's way. I couldn't piece it together and it annoyed me.

XXXXX

"KATNISS" Prim's shrill scream pierced the town square. The chilling sound seemed so real it was hard to believe it wasn't coming straight from her mouth. Honestly, if I hadn't been standing right next to her at the time, I might have believed she was being held captive inside the arena. Katniss didn't waste any time, she ran into the jungle as fast as her legs could take her, recklessly disregarding her allies' advice.

My mouth went dry when my anguished cries filled the square. Katniss's desperate look at the sound of my voice tightened my chest with sorrow. By the time she realized the voices were coming from the jabber jays it was already too late. She'd been trapped inside the wedge. Katniss and Finnick had to wait out the hour while the other tributes stood helplessly by on the other side of the wedge's barrier. Peeta's heartbroken look filled the screens. The fact that the game makers hadn't bothered to use the voices of any of his family members' wasn't lost on me. Watching Katniss struggle and not being able to do anything about it was torture enough for him.

XXXXX

Once the jabber jay incident was over things calmed down for a bit inside the arena. The tribute alliance claimed the beach while the Careers braved the horrors each hour brought inside the jungle. A spark of hope lit within me when I heard Beetee explain his plan to electrocute the Careers. At first the plan sounded very elaborate but, once I analyzed it, I realized how beautiful it was in its simplicity. A little bit of moisture in the sand, a bolt of lightning and a very special wire paired with the lure of an empty beach and the Careers would be history. It was just like setting one of my snares exactly where I knew the prey was sure to follow. The hunter in me couldn't wait to see their plan in motion.

I was grateful for Peeta's prudent approach when Katniss suggested breaking away from their allies. It made no sense for them to fight on two different fronts. Things within the alliance were bound to get ugly once the Careers were gone, but, until then, it was in their best interest to stick together. There weren't that many tributes left in the arena at that point.

XXXXX

I was at home, siting on the old battered couch my dad had built back when him and my mom were newlyweds. Rory and Vick were siting on the floor directly in front of me. They were playing with the set of dominoes that Katniss had given Rory on his last birthday. My mom came into the room, a doll-wielding Posy trailing behind her, and sat next to me. A few seconds later the old TV set came to life, the mandatory viewing transmission had begun.

Claudius Templesmith and Caesar Flickerman showed up on screen. I had always disliked watching the Games and everything they represented, but having these two uninvited guests inside my home giving us updates on Katniss's situation always made it worse. I felt like their presence on the screen infected my home with their exaggerated costumes and fake Capitol accents. After watching their usual inane commentary on the day's events inside the arena we were connected to the live feed.

The sun had set inside the arena. The allies were still on the beach and so far it seemed like everything was going according to plan. Katniss and Peeta had taken the first watch while everyone else slept. They were sitting on the damp sand, facing away from each other. Every once in a while the cameras would show shots of the Careers and Chaff spending the night hidden away in wedges that weren't active. It was a slow night for the audience and I hoped the game makers wouldn't get restless. Eventually Katniss and Peeta were back on screen. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat when Peeta started talking about Haymitch and the deals he might have made with them. "He made me promises as well," he said. I started wondering just how honest this conversation between them was going to be. Was he still trying to manipulate the audience, to gain sponsors, or was he actually trying to convince Katniss of something. He kept on talking about how different their circumstances were, and when he said, "there are other people who'd make your life worth living" I froze on my seat.

He went on to remove the gold disc that was hanging from his neck and slid his finger along the side of it to pop it open. My jaw dropped. The image projected, on a full close-up on my TV screen, inside my home, was of my face. I looked around the room and I found four pairs of eyes trained on me. My siblings looked surprised. My mother looked worried. I crossed my arms across my chest and I trained my eyes back on the screen.

Katniss's eyes glazed over and I could see her hand tremble slightly as she held the locket in her palm. He talked about how her family depended on her and how no one really needed him. At that moment I thought he sounded more resigned than sad. There was no pity in his voice. He was making a vow, he was ready to give her everything so that her, and her loved ones, could survive. I felt a lump lodged in my throat, I simply couldn't believe what I was watching. How could anyone be this selfless? Shame washed over me as I recalled all the insults I'd hurled at him in the last year, and all the ways in which I had disrespected him. He was willing to give his life for a girl so that she could be happy with someone else. No, not someone else, he was hoping she would be happy with me. Would she be happy with me? Almost in perfect sync with my thoughts Katniss countered, "I do. I need you." Disappointment flashed across Peeta's face, but just for a second because Katniss's lips were immediately on his. My eyes widened in surprise as I watched the girl who had once been like a little sister to me, small and innocent, attack the blonde with her lips. She was relentless, like an obsessed hunter with her prey, and she wasn't letting go. I was surprised to see that Peeta tried to stop her, he wanted to keep on talking, things had clearly not gone as he'd planned, but she was having none of it. Every time he pulled back she leaned into him again, hungrily pressing her lips to his.

I had seen them kiss hundreds of times; for the most part their kisses weren't very heated. I'd always assumed that was because they'd been pretending. Later, when Katniss and I kissed, I attributed the lack of spark between us to the fact that I'd caught her by surprise or that I'd been heavily sedated. The more I thought about it the more I believed that maybe she just wasn't a very passionate person. She had always tried to keep her emotions under check and she'd never been interested in romance. Being so inexperienced and having been forced into playing this romance in front of an audience had probably been traumatic for her. But, as I saw her devour Petta Mellark onscreen, I realized just how wrong I had been. There was a reason why she'd never kissed me like that; I hadn't inspired her to do it.

The sound of the bolt hitting the tree at midnight was like music to my ears. Peeta and Katniss had been kissing for a while by then and the transmission hadn't moved away from them for a second. Clearly, the game makers thought that watching older tributes shiver under palm trees was not as interesting as watching two lovers kiss under the moonlight. Two lovers. The thought stopped me short.

The noise had brought Katniss and Peeta back to their senses, and as she settled in for the night and he moved over to stand guard with Finick I started to worry again. One thing was painfully clear; the _star-crossed lovers_ had become their own worst enemies. They were playing a very dangerous game; they might both die while trying to keep the other one alive. My mind flitted back to Peeta's comment about Haymitch and his double deals. Which one of his tributes was he rooting for?

My mom's voice broke my line of thought.

"I'm sorry," she said. Her voice was soft and laced with worry.

"Nah, don't worry mom," I tried to reassure her, "I've known this for some time now."

"But you were still hoping…"

"Yeah.. I don't even know what I was hoping for anymore." I added truthfully, "Everything has changed so much. We're not the same people we were."

After giving me a silent nod she stood up from her place on the couch and went over to the kitchen. "I'll get some food on the table," she mumbled before disappearing into the adjoining room.

I covered my face with my hands, closed my eyes and let out the breath I'd been holding. I was so tired. I felt completely defeated.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning we watched as the allies got ready for their big plan that night. They rested and feasted on seafood. Their interactions were so relaxed that they almost looked like a group of friends enjoying a day out by the beach. Looking at Katniss as she stared into Peeta's eyes when he gave her the pearl stung like lemon drops on an open wound, but Peeta's annoyance at her reaction made me chuckle. _Good luck getting Katniss Everdeen to follow along with your plans_ I thought. The fact that his plan was to exchange his life for Katniss's sobered me up immediately.

I'll never fully understand what happened inside the arena that night. The images on my TV screen kept jumping from one group of tributes to the next. Several fights broke out simultaneously. Brutus, Chaff and Peeta were engaged in battle behind a line of palm trees while Finnick, Johanna and Enobaria moved around the jungle trying to regroup with their allies. Katniss stood by Beetee's lifeless form and tried to figure out what his plan had been, why he'd tried to stab the force field using a pointy stick wrapped in wire. And suddenly, without any warning, she turned around, pointed her arrow towards the force field and let it fly. The screen went black immediately.

"What's happened, Gale?" Rory's eyes were wide with surprise, "did she shoot into a camera?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I don't think so, though. If she'd just shot into a camera we'd still have images from the others, right?" I tried to reason.

"Weren't you paying attention?" Vick's impatient tone took me by surprise "She was clearly trying to replicate Beetee's attempt to fry the force field by using the lightning's electricity against it." We must have looked very confused because he went on to explain, "She wrapped the wire around her arrow before shooting it and she waited for the lightning to strike. That's why everything's gone black. The TV's still turned on, but the transmission has been interrupted. She blew up the arena. She might not have destroyed it completely but there's no electricity flowing through it, there's no power to feed the cameras."

"So, what happens now?" Just as the question was leaving Rory's mouth our tiny house was engulfed in darkness.

I rushed over to the window. The surrounding houses seemed to be just as dark as ours. I opened the window and leaned out. The Seam had never been very well lit but even the lonely lamppost by the end of the street was out. It was eerily quiet outside and the silence made me uneasy. It was late at night but the games had been on and my neighbors had been watching them. Where were they now? I thought about Katniss, was she still alive? They probably wouldn't allow her to stay that way for long. Up until now she'd played along with the Capitol's requests. But there was no way they were going to forgive her for what she'd just done. They were definitely going to make her pay. They were going to make all of us pay. The thought chilled me. But, what could we do? We were weak and disorganized and we were trapped, trapped inside that damn fence! The fence!

I turned around and looked at my siblings and my mom, they were all standing in front of me, waiting expectantly.

"Rory, put on your shoes." I instructed, "You need to run over to the Victor's Village as fast as you can. Get Prim and Mrs. Everdeen and take them to the fence. Go to the spot right behind the Hob, it's the weakest point along the district's perimeter. Understood?"

Rory wasted no time following my instructions. He was already by the door when he stopped and turned around to face me.

"But Gale, what good will that do? The fence is always turned on now."

"Ugh, Rory, don't be dense!" Vick replied in annoyance "We're drowning in blackness, there's no electricity here either. The fence is off!"

My mother shot an angry look at my youngest brother "Vick! This is no time to show off your smarts, apologize to your brother this instant!"

Vick straightened up under my mother's glare "Sorry Rory" he mumbled "but, you really have to start paying more attention to your surroundings you know? You won't become a good hunter until you do."

"Enough!" I yelled, "We don't have time for this. Rory get going. Stay with them, no mater what happens, you hear me?" he nodded in understanding, "We'll meet you there as soon as possible."

Once Rory left the rest of us got moving as well. We grabbed our few pots and pans along with some wooden spoons and we headed out onto the street. We walked along the narrow streets of the Seam, banging our pots with the spoons and calling out to people to leave their homes. The lights were still out and people were still cowering inside their houses, but curiosity got the better of them once they heard the ruckus we were making. Before long the Seam had sprung into action. Thom and a few other of my crew mates started guiding people towards the spot in the fence were Rory was supposed to meet us. By the time I had reached the end of our street enough people were out and about, alerting neighbors and friends and getting them to leave their homes. Once I made sure my mom and my younger siblings were headed towards the fence I started to make my way towards the town. I had only walked a few steps towards the line of houses that surrounded the Town Square when I saw the hovercrafts. There were three of them, suspended in the air, floating above the Town Square. After a few seconds they started dropping fire bombs.

I ran as fast as my legs would take me towards the fence. By now the streets of the Seam had filled with people. They'd all seen the attack on the town and they were all running away as desperately as I was. By the time I reached the fence I was relieved to see that someone had already cut through the barbed wire and that the fence had been opened. I could see many familiar faces were already outside, in the woods. I was startled to realize that although they were free to move they were just standing there, milling about. Then it hit me, most of these people had never been outside the barbed wire barrier. We'd all grown up hearing stories of how dangerous the woods were. Most people believed those stories. Just as I was crossing the fence I heard a panicked scream "They're coming again!" I turned around just in time to see a new set of hovercrafts, this time they were perched above the Seam. We couldn't stay there any longer. It wasn't safe. "Follow me!" I instructed.

As I made my way into the woods I could hear the bombs being dropped on what had once been my home. I hadn't seen my family or the Everdeens. I didn't know how many people were actually following me. The only thing I new was that we had to get as far away as possible. I reached the large rock were Katniss and I usually met and I climbed on top of it. From this vantage point I could see the large group that was trailing behind me. Under the pale moonlight I could see the terrified looks on their faces. I called out to my family. Rory made his way towards me, Prim's hand safely clasped in his and Mrs. Everdeen trailing behind them. People moved away to allow my mom, Vick and Posy to get near me. Now that I knew they were safe I could start thinking about my next step. "Rory, please retrieve our bows and arrows from the log." He nodded, then asked, "Katniss's too?" I could see Prim's eyes glistening with unshed tears, _where's your sister_, I wondered_. What are they doing to her?_ I shook my head to clear my thoughts, "Yes, bring Katniss's bow as well. We might need it."

We arrived at our destination a few hours later. The small concrete building that had once seen me declare my love for Katniss Everdeen and then storm furiously out into the snow, only to be tortured on the public whipping post, was a welcome sight.

On our first morning by the lake, as I was teaching one of my old neighbors how to cast a line into the water, I felt a soft tug on my sleeve. I turned around to see a blond boy with a worried face looking at me. "Yes, can I help you?" I asked.

"Are you Gale Hawthorne?" He enquired.

"Yes, I am. And you are..."

"Toby, Toby Cartwright" he answered shyly.

"All right, Toby, what can I do for you?"

"I'm looking all around for my parents, but I can't find them." He started trembling and I could see his pale blue eyes welling up with tears. Just as I was going to reach out to hold him I heard someone calling out his name. Relief washed over me as I saw a slightly plum girl, about Katniss's age, walking towards us. Her hair fell in soft blond curls over her shoulders, her eyes a deeper shade of blue, a soft smile on her lips. "There you are silly," she gently scolded him "I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing here?" She demanded as she wrapped her arms around the little boy.

"I was looking for Gale Hawthorne," he explained.

"Uh-huh, and why is that?"

"Because I heard some people say he's the one in charge. He's the one that brought us here. I just wanted to ask him about mom and dad, maybe he knows where they are." The sad look on the blond girl's eyes told me that she new exactly where their parents were. They were probably back in town, under a pile of rubble, burnt to a crisp.

"Toby," she said looking straight into the young boy's eyes "I'm sorry, but mom and dad aren't here, and Gale doesn't know anything about them."

Toby started sobbing uncontrollably and his sister held him close. She turned to look at me with a sad smile on her lips. "I'm sorry about that," she said, "you probably have other things to worry about."

"It's fine. I'm sorry I can't do anything for him, though" I said pointing towards toby.

"Please don't apologize, you've already done enough. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." As she said that her blue eyes locked onto mine and I was surprised to see real gratitude reflected in them. I held her gaze a little longer. I had seen this girl before, walking through town, but I had never really paid any attention to her. The deep coloring of her blue eyes seemed familiar though, they were almost like…

"Damn!" I cursed as I slapped my forehead.

"What's wrong?" She asked, surprised by my sudden outburst.

"Have you seen the Mellarks?"

She hadn't.

I spent the next three days teaching people how to fish, hunt, trap and gather. Most of the children spent their time running around the woods and some of them even learned how to swim in the lake's cool water. At night we would all gather around together and sleep under the stars. The warm summer breeze cocooned us, eliminating our need for sleeping bags. As I stared into the wide starlit sky I knew I'd never felt so free in my life; I 'd never been more scared either. These people were relying on me. We'd been lucky so far, but this wasn't a long-term solution. The Capitol might still come looking for us. I didn't want to consider what would happen if they ever found us.

My thoughts kept going back to Katniss. I wondered what had become of her and if I'd ever get to see her again. The one thing that brought peace to my mind was knowing that her family was safe.

XXXXX

The hovercraft appeared out of thin air. A wave of panic washed over all of the camp dwellers. Our time was up, we'd been found. The whispered bit of information jumped from one pair of lips to the next. "Thirteen. It's from District Thirteen." The whisper said.

It took several hovercraft rides to transport all of the refugees from the camp into District Thirteen. We were welcomed, upon arrival, by the district's president and her closest advisers. "Welcome to District Thirteen," President Coin said "we are pleased to have you here. I was very sorry to hear about the loss of your district. I can tell that you, just like us, are a group of survivors. I don't know if you are aware of this but our country is on the verge of an all-open rebellion against the Capitol. For years now we have waited for an opportunity to end their tyrannical reign. We believe that our wait is over. We would like you to join us in our efforts."

XXXXX

I was in my family's compartment. Sitting on my bed with my back against the wall. I kept replaying the events of the day in my mind. A few hours ago I had been in the middle of the woods, hungry and worried about the responsibility that had landed on my shoulders the moment I instructed my district's survivors to follow me into the woods. I'd done a decent job of keeping them alive, but I didn't think that we would have lasted much longer out there. I was very grateful for the hovercraft's timely appearance. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Soldier Gale Hawthorne?" The small pale woman standing by my compartment's door looked at me with enquiring eyes.

"Yes, that's me." The title of 'soldier' sounded completely foreign to me but, apparently, everyone over the age of 14 was a soldier here.

"Hello. I have instructions to take you to the Command Center. President Coin would like to have a word with you."

"With me?" I asked in surprise. Why would the president want to talk to me? Had I done something wrong? The woman could probably read the apprehension reflected on my features because she turned her lips into a reassuring smile and added. "Yes. You are the person who led the refugees into the woods, aren't you?" I silently nodded "I believe the president wants to congratulate you on a job well done."

"Oh… I hmm… mom," I said turning around to face my mother "I have to go."

A wide smile danced on her lips as she said "see you later."

The large group of people assembled in the Command Center surprised me. I hadn't been expecting such a large gathering. President Coin walked towards me, she held out her hand, I reached out my own and shook hers.

"Soldier Hawthorne" she said, locking her pale eyes with mine, "welcome to District Thirteen."

"Thank you, President Coin and thank you for having us here."

She gave me a short smile and motioned for me to sit on one of the multiple chairs set around the semicircular table. All conversations stopped and everyone else took their seats. The president sat in the center of the table right in front of me.

"Soldier Hawthorne," she began "I want to start by congratulating you. In spite of your young age, and the fact that you've had no proper training, you managed to lead a large number of your people into safety and you kept them alive. I don't know of many people who would have been able to do something like that."

I could feel everyone's eyes trained on me, they were all smiling and nodding in agreement. I really didn't know what to say so I nodded once, and waited for her to continue.

"It has come to my attention that you share certain ties with your district's female Victor, Ms. Katniss Everdeen. You are her cousin, correct?"

"No, I'm not," I said, shaking my head "I'm not her cousin. In fact, we are not related at all. We are nothing more than… friends." She seemed a bit surprised by my answer, but she recovered quickly.

"Well, that's just as well I guess." After taking a deep breath she continued, "How much do you know about the current unrest in the districts?"

"Not much." I admitted.

"But, something." She pressed.

"Yes, Katniss did mention something when she returned from the Victory Tour."

"Go on." I could feel every pair of eyes trained on me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't really know that much, besides that one conversation in the cabin, Katniss and I never discussed the situation in the other districts.

"She only mentioned that she had felt tension in the districts. And that she had seen people fighting back against their local peacekeepers. But she didn't go into much detail."

"Good. I don't know if you're aware of this but Ms. Everdeen has become a symbol of our movement. She has inspired people all over Panem. The courage she displayed when she volunteered for her sister and the way she challenged the game makers with those berries filled the nation with hope. The rebels affectionately refer to her as 'Mockingjay'. We have been waiting for something like this for a long time, Soldier Hawthorne, for _someone_ like that, someone who unifies the districts and shows them who the real enemy is. Do you know who the real enemy is, Soldier Hawthorne?"

This time I didn't hesitate. "Yes, the real enemy is the Capitol. They are the ones that control our food, our resources and our futures. They are the ones that have kept us divided, the ones that have turned us against each other, even within our own districts."

Every head around the table nodded in agreement. I was suddenly shocked by the fact that I had actually said those words in a room full of people. A room full of government officials no less! And they were all agreeing with me!

The president must have sensed my surprise "Yes, you are among friends," she assured me, "now, let me introduce you to some of them."

I studied each cabinet member as they introduced themselves. Most of them were natives to this underground settlement. With the exception of one, none of them had ever lived above ground, and even the one that had didn't remember much about it. They were all pale and even though they didn't seem malnourished, like the people from my district, they didn't look healthy either. Even the president had that same sickly look. Among all this paleness and dreariness one man stuck out like a sore thumb. As soon as Plutarch Heavensbee opened his mouth I knew that this particular _friend_ came from the most unfriendly of places.

My jaw dropped when he announced that, up until recently, he'd worked for the game maker's office. Then he went on to explain "Yes, Gale. May I call you Gale?" he paused but he didn't really wait for a confirmation "I do come from the Capitol. You see, the unhappiness in Panem hasn't been exclusive to the districts. Of course, there is no way you could have known any of this, but people in the Capitol have disagreed with some of our government's decisions for a long time. You already know that the Capitol has spent a lot of time and effort keeping us all divided, pitted against each other. What you don't know is that, even though the media has been portraying Capitolites as vapid, ignorant people who are only concerned with fashion, there are many of us who aren't like that. The underground rebel movement has been active for many years, and just like our friends in the districts, we were waiting for a symbol to rally around. I have known for quite some time that that symbol would come to us through the Games. That's why I decided to become a game maker. I knew that one day a tribute was going to challenge the system, and he or she was going to do it on national television no less. So I weaseled my way into the game makers program and patiently waited for that tribute to come forth. She did. And that brings us to the second reason for this meeting. Madam President?"

I was still trying to process the avalanche of information when President Coin began talking again. "For the past 75 years President Snow has been parading his Victors in front of the entire country. They were presented during their Victory Tours and on the annual Games to remind people of the Capitol's generosity. His Victors represented hope. They were the ones who managed to escape from the arenas, from the poverty and hunger of their districts. And they had done so by surviving under the Capitol's cruel conditions. If President Snow had been in the control room during those final moments of the 74th Game he wouldn't have stopped Ms. Everdeen and Mr. Mellark from eating those berries. He knew that asserting the power of the Capitol over two tributes was more important than having no Victor. Fortunately for us, Seneca Crane cared more about showmanship and less about political agendas." She took a second to look at Heavensbee who couldn't seem to contain his glee at her last statement.

The president went on "When the president announced the rules for this year's Quarter Quell we understood just how desperate he was. The Victors had clearly become a problem for him and he was desperate to get rid of them."

"And that's where I came in" Plutarch was beaming with enthusiasm when he interrupted "as head game maker I was-"

"What?" My face is burning, I feel like I've just been slapped "you where HEAD game maker?" I yelled "You were the one who sent them into that ticking death trap?" I was on my feet, my hands were curled into tight fists and I rested them over the top of the table "How can you sit there and talk about friendship and symbols when you are responsible for Katniss's death?" As soon as the words left my mouth I started to shake, _she's dead_ I thought.

"Hey, wait, who said she's dead?" Even though he'd raised his hands defensively Heavensbee still looked like the cat that ate the canary as he added "She's not dead. She's alive, very much so. And she's here, in Thirteen."

XXXXX

As I made my way towards the medical unit I tried to gather my thoughts. I was drowning under the weight of all these revelations. I'd hardly recovered from the shock of knowing District Thirteen was operational and now I had to deal with the notion that the revolution Katniss had described was very real and very organized. Never in a million years would I have guessed that people in the Capitol would work to bring down President Snow's government. But, the last part of the meeting was the only one that really mattered to me at the time. Katniss was alive and well in Thirteen. She'd been rescued from the arena, along with Finnick Odair and Beetee Latier. Peeta and Johanna hadn't been that lucky though, the Capitol had them and, so far, the people in command didn't even know whether they were alive or dead or, if they knew, they weren't telling.

A dull ache settled on my chest when I told Katniss that District Twelve was gone. The sadness in her eyes brought tears to mine and we cried together. She was relieved to hear that Prim and her mom were safe but when she looked into my eyes and said, "They've got Peeta, you know?" I could see how much that fact pained her.

As days turned into weeks I began to worry, not only was I failing to fulfill President Coin's request to get Katniss to agree to act as 'Mockingjay', but I could also see my best friend drowning in her sorrow. Now that her family was being taken care of and she didn't have to worry about feeding them she just gave into her grief. She would roam the halls without any sense or purpose. She would hide in dark corners and storage closets where she would sob uncontrollably or sit so still you couldn't even tell if she was breathing.

One morning I was surprised to find the words EXCURSION TO DISTRICT 12 tattooed on my forearm. My surprise turned to excitement when I saw Katniss walking with determination towards the idling hovercraft. "Are you sure you want to do this alone?" I asked right before she was lowered onto our district's remains. "Yes, I have to do this on my own." I couldn't understand how she was able to manage a walk through the ruins of our destroyed town when she wasn't even capable to stick to basic instructions and commands. But, once again, her resolve gave her strength and by the time we were back in Thirteen I could see a small spark of light in her eyes. Things were beginning to change.

The small glimmer of life I had seen in her eyes earlier in the day turned into a burst of lightning when she saw Peeta on the TV screen. While people all around us cursed at the screen and accused Peeta of being a traitor Katniss couldn't disguise her happiness. As she ran away from the Command Center I knew that Katniss Everdeen was back in business. The Capitol had just given her a reason to fight and I couldn't wait to start fighting right by her side.

I understood why she needed to negotiate the terms under which she'd become the Mockingjay, but her demands on Peeta's behalf made uneasy. When she stood in front of Thirteen's president and demanded that the agreements be made public I was reminded of her first Arena. I could just see her in front of me, standing with her hand outstretched, holding those berries up for the cameras to see.

She had challenged one government's rules and she'd barely survived it, why would she do it again? Didn't she realize what was at stake? President Coin had been very patient with her, and forcing her hand like that, couldn't lead to anything good. Luckily enough President Coin seemed to understand Katniss's motives. She accepted the Victor's terms and thus, the Mockingjay was born.

The next few days were invigorating. I was grateful for the time Katniss and I spent hunting outside of our underground residence. It was the very first time since we left our district when I felt truly happy. While we were outside we went back to our old hunting routines, having my old hunting partner by my side made me happy.

The visit to District Eight was an eye opener. Not only had I never seen another district before, but I had never seen the devastation of war first hand either. Every year the Hunger Games would show dozens of children killing each other and dying under the most horrible circumstances, but that in no way prepared me for what I saw when we reached the makeshift hospital in the old textile district. And the fact that the Capitol would actually send hovercrafts to attack the helpless, the wounded and the dying strengthened my resolve to fight against it. I was grateful for Thirteen's militarized schooling system as I was finally able to put all of my training into use.

That night there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Soldier Roberts, the same small pale woman that had come knocking a few days before, standing in front of me. "Good evening, Soldier Hawthorne, President Coin requests your presence at the Command Center," she said with a polite smile. Last time she'd showed up at my doorstep I'd been apprehensive, this time I was eager to see what the president wanted. I quickly said goodbye to my mother and followed Soldier Roberts along the now familiar path that lead into District Thirteen's political headquarters.

The mood that greeted me when I reached the Command Center was one of celebration. President Coin's closest collaborators were walking around the room, patting each others backs, smiling and laughing. Reconciling this festive atmosphere with that morning's events wasn't easy. The congratulatory noises collided with the memories of bombs exploding over District Eight's makeshift hospital. I couldn't believe that just hours before I had been running for my life through the rubble of a district that was still mourning the deaths of so many innocent and helpless victims.

"Why is everyone so exited?" I asked Commander Jackson, who was standing by the doorway as I came into the room. "Looks like Beetee was able to assemble a very interesting propo with the footage from today's attack on Eight." She told me, "he's going to hack into the Capitol's transmission, there's a mandatory broadcast today, so our video will be seen everywhere in Panem." "Oh" I managed to say. I was going to ask if she had seen the propo when a slap on my left shoulder drew my attention away from her.

"Gale, my boy" Plutarch was beaming with enthusiasm "very good job today. Today's propo was just what we needed. Please take a seat, transmission is about to begin and I'm sure you won't want to miss any of it."

As I made my way towards the row of tables assembled around the main table President Coin clapped her hands a couple of times. The entire room went quiet, all eyes focused on the district's leader. "Welcome everyone to our first screening" she said with a tight smile on her lips "please take your seats, the show is about to begin." There was some shuffling and murmuring around the room as everyone followed the president's instructions. Once we were all settled down she started talking again "I just want to say that I'm very satisfied by the propo that our camera and edition crew have assembled, their commitment to our cause shines through their work. I also want to congratulate Commander Beetee Latier for finding a way to infiltrate our enemy's transmissions. Now that we have Panem's ear we will be unstoppable." A brief round of applause followed her words. The president raised her hand and the applause stopped just as quickly as it had begun. "Very well, Commander Latier, could you please do the honors?" "With pleasure, Madame President."

Beetee took his place by a table that displayed a control panel full of buttons and knobs located at the far end of the room. The lights were dimmed, a TV screen that covered most of the wall was turned on and the show began. For the second time that day I was faced with the despair and desolation of District Eight. Cressida had captured some incredible scenes inside the hospital. Katniss walking among the injured, their reactions to her, their faces, the way they hung to her every word, the way they consoled her for the loss of her child, the way they assured her that Peeta still loved her. Some of their comments were silenced, covered by inspirational music, while the hopeful looks on their faces filled the screen. The propo showed the tired, the broken and the weak making their way into her arms. And then, it showed the bombing. Flames engulfed the temporary hospital. Panicked people desperately tried to escape the fire. Suddenly the screen went black and a second later Katniss's determined glare filled the screen. The angle widened to show me standing by her side, eyes locked on the Capitol's hover plane, bows poised, arrows ready to fly. The next scene showed the hover plane's explosion and Katniss's message for the Capitol. "If we burn, you burn with us."

The room erupted in applause. The lights were turned on. Beetee's brow was covered with a sweaty sheen but his smile was wide and proud. "I still have control over the airwaves," he announced to a new round of applause "Madam President, should I release the propo again?" "Please do, Commander Latier, release it as many times as you can." The room went quiet once more as we eagerly awaited the second viewing of the propo.

A couple of second's after the end of the second viewing Beetee exclaimed, "Damn, I've lost it! They've regained control!" Again the room erupted in applause and the lights were turned on. Suddenly, Peeta's face filled the screen and the room was silent again "So, Peeta," Caesar Flickerman's voice flooded the Command Center "there seem to be some rumors that say that Katniss Everdeen is now filming propos for the rebels. What do you think about that?" I held my breath as Peeta tried to convince Caesar of Katniss's innocence regarding these propos. _What have they done to him_ I wondered. The change in his appearance was so drastic, he had lost so much weight and he seemed to be under a lot of pain. His eyes looked bleary and lost. I couldn't believe they could have inflicted that much damage in such a short period of time. Then I realized, I didn't really know when his first interview had been recorded, they could have taped it soon after the Quarter Quell and waited for the right time to release it. Caesar brought my attention back to the screen when he asked Peeta if there was anything he wanted to say to Katniss.

"Ask yourself, do you really trust the people you're working with?"

Peeta's words made my blood curdle. This was the last thing Katniss needed to hear. She'd always defied the authorities and she wasn't trusting by nature. Peeta was probably one of the few people she actually trusted. This message from him might send her into a tailspin. All the improvements we'd made over the last few days might evaporate if she started doubting those around her. Did he even realize what he'd just done? If his physical deterioration was anything to go by he might not even know what he was saying. And if one thing was certain was the fact that those around him couldn't be trusted. I looked around the room. The festive mood had been quickly replaced by dread, no one dared voice the one thought going through everyone's mind. What would Katniss think of Peeta's message.

"Well, that's a question for the ages, isn't it?" Haymitch's voice broke the silence.

"Please, explain what you mean." President Coin demanded. All eyes fell on District Twelve's senior Victor. He took a deep breath, crossed his arms across his chest and addressed his audience. "Well, trust is not something that comes easily to Victors. And, in Katniss's case, it's even harder to get. I can't say I blame her, though. A little over a year ago she was led into an Arena were she was supposed to die. She managed to leave that dreadful place in one piece. But only to be targeted by a tyrant, that wanted nothing more that to have her eliminated and to make an example out of her, in order to quell the rebellion that was building all over the country. Finally, she's given what she thinks is another one-way ticket into a death trap only to be freed form this second Arena by a group of people she either doesn't know, or she's thought of as enemies. And, just to tie everything up wit a lovely bow, she loses the only true ally she's ever known in the process. So yes, the question for the ages is: whom does Katniss trust? I know that after my involvement with the rebel plot she doesn't fully trust me. She's hardly forgiven me for leaving Peeta behind. Does she trust you, cousin Gale?" I could feel the room's attention shifting on to me. Their expectant eyes waiting for an answer, "I think she does," I said. "I've always been honest with her. I've never given her any reason to doubt me." I continued, somewhat defensively.

Haymitch smirked, then countered, "Yeah, I'm sure you haven't."

"What does that mean?" I demanded, what was he implying, how had I betrayed Katniss's trust? I wasn't blind. I knew that our relationship had changed after she came back from her first Games. I also knew that kissing her in the woods had only confused things between us and that Katniss had been weary of me after that incident but how was that any of Haymitch's business? Besides, that was all in the past, it had no bearing on what was being discussed at this table.

"Settle down boy," he said with a conciliatory wave of his hand "are you sure you're not related to the Mockingjay? You're just as prickly as she is." After chuckling briefly at his own joke he went on "This is the thing Madam President, the girl has been through a lot, and trust is a really big issue for her. What worries me about this is not the message itself but the fact that it was delivered by one of the very few people Katniss actually trusts. There's a very strong possibility that she didn't even see the message, she's in the recovery unit after all. That would definitely simplify things for us. What she doesn't know can't hurt her, right? However, if she did see the message we're going to have to do some damage control. That's were cousin Gale comes in, because, he's right, Katniss does trust him. What are you going to tell her boy, when she asks what you think?"

I took a steadying breath and answered, "I'll have to tell her that Peeta can't be trusted."

"You're going to tell her that the one person who's been willing to exchange his life for hers, on more than one occasion might I add, can't be trusted?" His gray eyes were fixed directly into mine.

"I'll remind her that he's being forced, if you consider the way he looks that's probably the truth anyways."

"Yes, I believe you are right about that."

The flash of sadness I saw in the Victor's eyes made me understand what he had just done. He was trying to protect Peeta; he wanted to remind all of us of where he was and what was being done to him.

"So, that's settled then," President Coin's strict voice cut through my thoughts, "No one is to say anything about tonight's transmission to Soldier Everdeen. In the event that she actually saw it, Soldier Hawthorne will be in charge of explaining the situation to her. Is this matter settled, gentlemen?"

"Yes Madam President" Haymitch and I answered almost in unison.

The president spoke again "Mr. Heavensbee, is there anything else you'd like to add?"

"Not really, Madam president." Plutarch glanced around the room and added, "I just wanted to remind everyone of the enormous success of today's propos. The quality of the footage, paired with Beetee's technological prowess was very effective. We should start seeing results very soon." He finished with a satisfied smile on his round face.

I left the Command Center with a heavy heart. The whole day had been an emotional rollercoaster. I hoped against hope that Katniss hadn't seen the propo. I didn't like keeping things from her, but I didn't want to discuss Peeta's situation with her either.


	4. Chapter 4

I hardly saw Katniss on the day that followed our visit to District 8. My new job with Beetee in the weapons development department kept me busy. When I saw her that night she seemed distant and withdrawn. She sat next to Finnick and shared her food and comments with her fellow victor. After dinner I walked her over to her compartment and, even though she didn't say anything specific, I could tell that something was gnawing at her.

By the time we finished our breakfast the next morning we were both angry and hurt. I was sure she had seen Peeta's interview and she'd kept quiet about it. The thought troubled me, I knew she trusted Peeta implicitly, but the fact that she'd chosen to keep me in the dark meant she didn't trust me. I knew we'd had our differences in the past but I had foolishly believed that the last weeks together in 13 had put that behind us, apparently I had been wrong. Even though I tried to act like everything was all right Peeta's words still hung heavily between us. So when she confronted me after breakfast I snapped at her. She accused me of taking president Coin's side over hers and the resentment I saw in her eyes when she did surprised me. My beeping communicuff cut our conversation short and I angrily walked away.

I didn't have much time to sulk though, we were scheduled to film a new propo in District 12 and there was no getting out of it.

The visit to my destroyed district was terribly painful; the memories of what had once been my home collided with the ruins that surrounded us. Cressida made us walk through the rubble and the corpses while she filmed us. The flicker of anger that crossed her eyes when I showed her the traces of Thread's lashes on my back made me wonder about the reasons she'd had for leaving the Capitol and turning to the rebel side.

By the time we reached the clearing in the woods I was exhausted, reliving the bombings hadn't been easy. The thin layer of ash that clung to my skin suffocated me.

Being back in my woods comforted me, in spite of all the changes and destruction that surrounded us the forest remained the same. We were lying in the sun, enjoying the fresh air and the scent of pine needles and freshly dampened earth when Katniss began singing. The song brought tears to my eyes, I remembered my dad singing it when I was little, but my dad's raspy voice was nothing like Katniss's. I looked around and realized that everyone had fallen silent. For a moment it felt like even the animals in the woods were standing still and the birds had stopped their song to listen. I had never heard her sing before and as the song came to an end and the mockingjays picked up the tune I remembered Peeta's story. He claimed he'd fallen in love with Katniss after hearing her sing. I remember smirking at the time, thinking he was lying. How wrong had I been. Once again the baker's son had proven to know more about Katniss than I did.

After our short break in the woods we headed back into Victor's Village. While Katniss rummaged through the kitchen's cabinets looking for herbs or medications that might be useful in District 13 I walked around her house. With the exception of my recovery period I had never spent that much time in that place. During her first months as victor she'd never invited me and, after spending those days recovering there, I had always felt like an intruder, so I'd avoided the big, ostentatious house as much as possible.

I walked into the kitchen, the memory of the kiss we'd shared there once weighed heavily on my chest. The words she'd said before kissing me still haunted me. It had taken some time to understand and accept that she'd kissed me because she'd been worried about me and she'd wanted to make me feel better. I knew that she loved me, but I was beginning to accept that she wasn't in love with me. And any lingering doubts I might have still had, had been definitely put to rest by the kisses she'd shared with Mellark on that beach. But, even though my mind knew these things, my wounded heart, or was it my pride, still needed confirmation. So I baited her "this is where you kissed me" I said.

Her reaction was immediate. The kiss was soft and gentle, full of warmth and tenderness. But there was absolutely no passion behind it. I softly pushed her away from me. She seemed surprised when I told her that I had known she'd kiss me.

"How? I didn't even know it myself," she asked.

"You always kiss me when I'm in pain." I answered "But don't worry, it will pass".

The look she gave me was full of sorrow and, even worse, pity. So I turned on my heels and walked away from her. When I left the house she was still standing in the kitchen. I wondered if she understood what this moment had meant and what her thoughts were. Was she thinking about the last time she'd kissed someone? Was she comparing those kisses to this one? I knew I was.

For a long time I had believed that Katniss and I belonged together, I hadn't really considered any other options. Then Peeta had come along and I had resented his intrusion in my life. I could feel my blood boiling inside my veins every time I saw them kiss during their first Game. But things had changed since then. I no longer felt entitled to Katniss. She was free to make her own choices, always had been. And, even if she wasn't aware of it yet, she had chosen already. I hated admitting it but I couldn't pretend any longer, I knew she hadn't chosen me. A nagging weight had settled on the pit of my stomach. And, as I reached the clearing where Cressida and her team were waiting for me, I realized it was guilt. I felt guilty about kissing her.

XXXXX

The next few days went by in a blur. Shortly after returning from our outing into District 12 the Capitol aired Peeta's third interview. Once again I was shocked to see him. There was no denying it anymore; his captors weren't very concerned with his wellbeing. I felt light headed when I saw his blood splattered over the white tiles of the interview room. As a hunter I'd never minded the sight of blood but the cruelty of the blows he was receiving made my lunch dance uncomfortably inside my stomach. President Coin's reluctance to accept Peeta's warning annoyed me. He was evidently being punished for disclosing classified information. Fortunately Haymitch and Katniss wouldn't take no for an answer and, after a brief discussion, they managed to convince the district's leader that, even if the information was wrong, it had been delivered in good faith.

I left the Command Center and hurried to the compartment that I shared with my family. When I got there I found that my mother and siblings were all ready to evacuate. My brothers were standing by the door awaiting instructions. I couldn't help but smile at the sight, the last time we'd had to leave our home there had been arguments and bickering, not peace and order. I briefly wondered whether Thirteen's strict militarized system was providing my siblings with the healthy structure they needed to achieve their potential or if it was simply turning them into mindless drones.

I directed my now docile family towards the emergency bunkers and decided to take one last look into the Everdeen's quarters. I'd hardly reached Katniss's compartment when I heard Prim's voice.

"Come on, don't be like that, I know you're scared, but we have to get going."

Who is she talking to? I wondered. The deep growl that followed her words answered my question before I could even ask it.

"Prim! What are you still doing up here? You're supposed to be downstairs with everyone else!" I knew my tone was harsh but I had never found the girl's devotion to her pets as endearing as her sister did and I had no patience left. We were under threat and Buttercup's survival wasn't a top priority on my list.

"Oh, hi Gale, I had to come back for Buttercup. I couldn't just abandon him." She said, a hint of guilt lacing her words.

"Well, you have him now. Lets go!" I instructed. Without another word she wrapped her arms tightly around the surly feline, securing him against her chest. We rushed towards the staircase that lead into the bunkers that would keep us safe from the bombs that were about to drop on our heads.

XXXXX

Time seemed to stretch indefinitely while we were inside the bunker and I hated every second of it. Being so far underground and hearing the structure as it shook and cracked under the pressure of the explosives brought back memories of the mines. The lack of fresh air and light, the long endless days covered in soot. Fortunately President Coin updated us regularly and after three days of being cooped up inside the bowels of the earth we were allowed to resurface. The first thing I did once I was allowed to leave the bunker was head outside. The communications group was already assembled on the open space that had once been the district's town square. Katniss was there, surrounded by the usual production team. Cressida was feeding her some lines. Plutarch was probably in a hurry to show President Snow that the attack hadn't affected us and that the Mockingjay was alive and well. Katniss tried repeating the lines Cressida had given her but after a few attempts she simply broke down. The girl who had unified a nation with her determination and her resolve looked broken, small and lost as she cried inconsolably, clinging to her mentor's arms.

A couple of hours later an emergency meeting was called. President Coin and her advisors wanted to know what the next step was. The Mockingjay was clearly broken and they wanted to know if there was any way to fix her. After much discussion Plutarch reached the only logical conclusion, Katniss was clearly worried about Peeta and she had finally realized that everything she did was being directly taken out on him. The only way to get her to do anything was to remove the threat to Peeta's safety. The time had come for the Mockingjay's district partner to be rescued.

Once the rescue operation was approved Commander Boggs went on to explain the details of the extraction plan. Six volunteers would be asked to fly to the Capitol. Then, with the aid of some sleeping gas and Beetee's diversion tactics, they would be going into the President's Mansion where, according to Plutarch's informants, the victors were being held. He'd hardly finished asking for the volunteers to come forward when my hand shot straight up "I'll go." I added, with as much security as I could muster.

I was about to board the hovercraft that would take us to the Capitol when Haymitch Abernathy approached me.

"You sure you want to do this Hawthorne?" he asked, looking straight into my eyes.

I nodded "Absolutely. It's about time I did something for him. I don't like owing people."

"How very Seam of you," he added as he rolled his eyes. Then he dropped his voice to a deep whisper and added, "just be careful, you hear? Sweetheart would never forgive herself if something happened to you out there. Not over this."

"Don't worry, I don't plan on staying there for more than I have to."

XXXXX

I had only been on one mission before and the rescue mission was nothing like that one. While my visit to district eight had been filled with chaos, blood, dirt, destruction and open spaces the visit to the Capitol was absolutely organized. We moved swiftly, under the cover of darkness, and we extracted our targets without even having to touch a single one of their captors.

After the hovercraft dropped us on top of the President's Mansion we scurried along narrow hallways and through darkened staircases. By the time we reached the basement the sleeping gas had already worked its magic and all we found there were some Peacekeepers lying around, sleeping as soundly as babies. It wasn't hard to identify the rooms were the victors were being held. The heavy doors with large digital locks were a dead giveaway. Thanks to Beetee's intervention all the security systems were down and all we had to do to access the holding cells was push the doors open. My heart dropped to my stomach when my eyes landed on Johanna Mason's sleeping form. I remembered watching her during the Quarter Quell, admiring her spirit, worrying over what she would do to my friend once their alliance was broken. But, as I saw her small dirty form twisted in an awkward angle on top of an old mattress, I felt nothing but sorrow. I reached over to where she was lying and examined her. Her head had been shaved and you could see purple bruises blossoming all over her thin body. There was a nasty cut on her upper lip and a few others along her arms and legs. She had lost so much weight that she looked like an empty sack of bones. In one quick fluid motion I gingerly gathered her in my arms. I didn't dare hold her too tightly afraid that I might crush her.

I went back the same way I had gone in and met with the rest of my squad. Mitchell, another one of the volunteers, was holding Annie Cresta's sleeping body. She looked thinner and paler than I remembered her from TV but other than that, she seemed to be in good shape. A few seconds later Boggs joined us, he held a sleeping Peeta Mellark securely in his arms.

Once we were back inside the hovercraft I chanced a glance in Peeta's direction. He looked even worse than he had during his last interview, thinner and paler. There were dark circles under his eyes and the punches he'd received in front of the cameras had turned into angry purple bruises that covered his arms and chest. There were a couple of gashes on his forehead as well. But what surprised me the most were the puncture marks along his arms. Boggs, who was seating next to me, must have read the question written on my face because he pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear, "I don't know what they've been doing to him. I found him strapped to what looked like a hospital bed. There was a machine plugged into his arm. I guess they overdid it the other day and they were trying to keep him alive a little bit longer."

A chill ran down my spine and I released a shaky breath. "Good thing we came for him today then" I whispered back.

I closed my eyes and let the sound of the wind whipping against the hovercraft soothe me. After a few steadying breaths I let my mind wander again in Peeta's direction. His resilience never ceased to amaze me. He always seemed to push through. The odds were never on his favor and still there he was, battered and bruised but on his way to safety. The mission had been a success. We had pried them free from the Capitol's clutches.

And still, as my eyes flitted from Johanna to Peeta's sleeping form, I didn't feel successful. I was suddenly overcome with the notion that, while these people had been hurt in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine, I had been playing at war. Being constantly protected by some of Thirteen's finest soldiers and shielded by my status as the Mockingjay's partner. These victors, who had been strong enough to survive two arenas, had almost lost their lives while I had been playing with the lovely toys Beetee had designed for me. I was humbled by the thought.

The truth was that I had done something good; I had raided the Capitol and had rescued them. I had reached them before President Snow could hurt them even more. They were safe now. So, why did I feel so defeated? Why didn't I feel like I had done enough?

AN: I love kudos and comments as much as I love Peeta's shy smile. You always make my day when you share them with me. Thanks!


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